confinement

My DIY Confinement #2: Breaking the rules

12:05 PM
As I'd already set my mind on not hiring a confinement lady, this is what I prepared for my DIY confinement. I am halfway into my confinement, and am glad that I didn't hire a confinement lady as it has made me more confident in taking care of my newborn. 

I am confident in handling her for the entire day as I know how to bathe, feed, change and burp her entirely on my own. Some of my friends leave baby care entirely to their confinement lady and they tell me that they are worried and unsure about what to do with their confinement lady leaves. I told them to learn as much as possible from them before their CL leaves.

She had a major poop explosion at the polyclinic which stained my hands and my dress which I managed to handle. It was a struggle holding a wriggly newborn with one arm and washing her butt with the other, but I got the job done. 


1. Confinement Food Delivery

After some research, I ordered the 28-day lunch and dinner delivery from Natal Essentials.
The main reason was because there were good reviews and secondly, the central kitchen is in Woodlands, which ensured that I would get hot food on time. I am one of the first few customers on their delivery list. 

I'm pretty satisfied with their offerings. It tastes healthy and the portions are HUMONGOUS. I've had fights with my husband who always coaxes me to finish up ALL the food. Luckily, my father is the one who tells me to eat what I can and leave the rest.




Stir Fried Lean Meat w Ginger & Spring Onion
Stir Fried Broccoli w Braised Chinese Mushroom
Fish Tail & Papaya Soup

I thought it was an abalone at first. I must have had been too sleepy. 


Black Pepper Pork Steak
Pan Fried Egg w Long Bean
Raw Di Huang Pork Rib Soup


Vinegar Pork Rib
Stir Fried Sweet & Sour Sliced Sheng Yu w Capsicum
Hashima Black Chicken Soup

I LOVED the vinegar pork ribs so much that I finished everything. 

2. Confinement Herbal Bath

I bought confinement bath herbs from Daifongai, which my father has been dutifully boiling for my shower. For the first few days, I showered off with hot water after the herbs but now I can't be bothered. Besides, it does feel quite nice showering with hot herbal water. Makes you feel like...a herbal chicken? It does make you feel better, I have to admit.


3. Confinement Herb Package

I purchased the 28 day confinement package from Eu Yan Sang at $268.

It consists of some pills, herbal soups as well as the standard longan and red dates tea. 
It's not too sweet and very palatable as a substitute to water. 

My father again has been following the helpful chart provided to aid in my recovery (although I feel totally fine already...)



4. Post-natal Jamu Massage

This was something high up on my priority list. I've never really bothered about the appearance of my post-pregnancy body because it gave me my little princess, so the ugly stretchmarks are not something I would cry over. Most importantly, my husband reassured me every single time I asked him if my body was ugly to him that it didn't matter. 

Post-natal Jamu massage, apart from regaining a better figure, also helps to put the internal organs that have been shifted due to pregnancy back in its original position. 

I secured my masseuse after quite a bit of research and am on my second day now. 

5. A good pro-breastfeeding support system

I've heard of confinement nannies who throw away breast milk due to claims that it is "dirty" or "unusable". My breast milk never goes to waste. It either goes straight to the baby or into her milk bath. If I have excess supply, I may consider making breast milk soap or pendants. 

My husband, father and relatives are all pro-breastfeeding. Nobody shamed me for breast feeding and I've latched my baby in front of my husband, father and female relatives.

If people around you are not supportive of breastfeeding, try to block out their negative comments and believe in your body. Do not let anybody throw away your milk, especially without your knowledge. If it has to be thrown out, let that person be you. 


Having expressed breast milk or infant formula on stand by does help you to get a bit of sleep, but do try to latch your infant as much as possible. 

___________________________________________

If I could, I would scrap all the confinement rules and create my own.

1. Happy mommy, happy baby

This is my number 1 rule. Block out all negative influences and naysayers. People can try to stress you, but you determine if you want to let yourself crumble under these people's thoughts. You are your own person. Even if you might end up offending others, you know what is best for yourself and your baby.


Happy mommy

A new mother requires adequate sleep in order for her hormones to not go out of whack. I've experienced it recently and almost lost my baby. From then on, I've made sure to alternate night duties with my father.

Happy baby


Newborn babies at this age honestly don't require a lot:


1. Milk

If the mother is breastfeeding exclusively, babies do not require water. Not even a "little bit" of water to "make the baby feel hydrated". From the article below, h
ealthy newborns enter the world well hydrated and remain so if breastfed exclusively, day and night, even in the hottest, driest climates. 

Exclusive Breastfeeding: The Only Water Source Young Infants Need

2. Comfort

Do you like sitting or lying down in your pee and poo for 4 hours? Neither does your baby.
When your baby is clean and dry, he feels contented.

3. Cuddles

Sometimes, they just need to be held close. Some old folks advise against "spoiling" the baby by picking him or her up the instant the infant cries, but it has been shown that newborns are unable to manipulate their parents (yet).

Besides, once your kid learns how to run around, you might be the one begging for a cuddle.


4. Burping

There are a few methods to burp your infant, but I've found that the easiest way to get her to burp is to hold her by her side vertically facing you (so the both of you make a 'T' shape). Patting her back when she is in this position elicits a burp pretty quickly.

2. Don't be insistent on direct-latching/exclusive breastfeeding
If you feel stressed and produce a "low" supply, don't feel bad if you have to turn to infant formula. It is definitely not poison and if it saves your sanity for you to get a few more hours of sleep, do it.

3. Have a healthy diet

It does not have to be strictly confinement food, but junk food does make you feel bloated and doesn't provide your body with nutrition. A meal or two during your cheat day is fine but having a relatively healthy diet does make you feel more alert and happy.
4. Post Natal Massage

Rather than just to reduce tummy flab and gain a nicer body figure, a good post-natal masseuse will be able to adjust the internal organs back into its own place and assist in better recovery as well as to prepare the body for possible future pregnancies. 
confinement

My DIY Confinement #1: Traditional Confinement Practices (and why not all should be followed)

11:07 AM
I'm almost in the middle of my DIY confinement. I went against the advice of my friends and relatives and did it without the help of a confinement lady as I strongly believed that three full grown adults would definitely be able to take care of a newborn. 

Besides, I didn't want my husband and father to feel uncomfortable with another female presence. Combined with horror stories of some confinement ladies, I was only more determined not to follow the advice. 

I am only too glad now I don't have a confinement nanny. Nobody has time to do marketing for her in my household, and I don't want to pay somebody to spend 2 or 3 hours cooking each meal (that's 6 hours for lunch and dinner combined!). It's not easy to live with a stranger 24/7 without feeling slightly uncomfortable. I know I would if a stranger took over my kitchen. NOBODY MESSES UP MY KITCHEN! 

If you want to follow the traditional confinement, then it would be better to hire a confinement lady who is recommended by a family or friends with first hand experience.

Here are some of traditional confinement practices that women "have" to follow. I'll be focusing on the Chinese practices as I am Chinese.

Credit: Healthxchange

Some of them seem logical whilst others are outright superstitious and seem to have had been decided by some evil empress in some ancient dynasty or some China woman living high up in a rural mountain. I have broken all the "rules" except for the last few. 

1. Not washing the body and hair during the month; especially avoiding contact with cold water
I delivered my daughter on Tuesday night, and showered with warm water in the hospital the morning after. Hygiene is of utmost importance, especially when it comes to handling your newborn. You wouldn't eat off a dirty plate, so my baby is definitely not going to latch on a smelly breast dripping with sweat and dirt. There are confinement herbs specially meant for showering during confinement, and a lot of women have since turned to using this, myself included. 


It makes you perspire a little bit after showering,but it does beat not having a shower at all. I wash my hair with the water as well every single day and wrap it up in a towel just like how I did before I got pregnant.



My extended relative who came over to visit was shocked that I took so many showers in a day and that I washed my hair (oh the horror). I told her it was fine because the bath water was hot. She continued to advise against it and I just made a face and went to bathe. 



I'm probably stubborn and very defiant but to me, I'd rather follow my own instincts and make my own mistakes than to follow anybody blindly just because they said so. I suppose when my bones start to ache in my 50's, they'll say "I told you not to bathe and marinate in your own perspiration when you had E, didn't I?" -_-|||

2. Not eating raw or or "cooling" foods cooked the previous day

I can't think of anybody who would do that, regardless of whether they had a baby or not, unless you are talking about oysters and sashimi...


3. Eat chicken, especially chicken cooked in sesame oil; pork liver and kidney; eat five or six meals daily and rinse the rice bowl with scalding water

Chicken is protein and does aid in boosting milk supply. My confinement food delivery includes generous portions of chicken, fish and pork in a 2 dishes, 1 soup format. I requested not to have offal and frog legs because EEW? My rice comes delivered in a paper container, so I would not rinse it with scalding water. Seriously...

4. Avoid all wind, fans and air-conditioning

This is one of the few rules that seem to make a tiny bit of sense. Apparently, the Chinese believe that wind and cold weaken the woman's body, which has already been weakened from childbirth. It is not really possible to survive without at least a fan in our sunny little island.


5. Avoid walking or moving about; the ideal is to lie on the back in bed 

Medical professionals recommend early ambulation for quicker recovery. I walked around the ward and did not take any painkillers throughout my stay. When I rejected the painkillers upon discharge, the nurses were shocked. The stitches were uncomfortable, but I was not searing with pain and could definitely cope without the drugs.
It is also not in my personality to lie in bed and while my time away when I could be easily doing something more productive. In these 10 days, I have been to ICA to register her birth, to the polyclinic twice for her check-ups and twice to the mall just to escape from baby jail. I love my baby and she is a relatively easy baby to handle but even then, mommy and daddy need a breather. 

6. Do not go into another person's house

It is fine if both parties are not superstitious. 
This rule was probably made to keep the women at home so they could recover properly and "lie on their back in bed". 

With friends and family over almost everyday, mommy and baby don't exactly get to rest well since I have to entertain guests and make small talk. If we refer to Rule #5, then guests shouldn't be coming over for the mother and child to get optimum rest. 

For me however, I am fine with the occasional visit and am more than happy that my friends and family make accommodations to make the pilgrimage to far flung Woodlands just to see the both of us. I like talking and social interaction. 

7. Do not get sick

I didn't know that we could control when our bodies get sick... Teach me master. 

8. Do not read or cry

Women are a huge mess after delivery and we do get frustrated and angry easily due to the lack of sleep and having to adapt to the schedule of our newborn (newborns should not be trained to follow schedules. Adults should feed and respond to the demands of the newborn to prevent insecurity). Some women, feeling stressed out by their family members and milk supply, require an outlet to vent. Crying is a perfectly normal way to relieve stress. 


Who the hell made the rule about no reading?  

9. Do not have sex


This rule was probably made a long time ago to prevent eager husbands who had to abstain from sex from hurting their wives as soon as they gave birth. I would presume that in that era, medical technology wasn't advanced enough and women had to heal from their tears without stitches or pain relief. 

There is no fixed time to resume sex according to the hospital. Sex can be resumed once mommy and daddy feel physically and emotionally comfortable.

Strangely, this rule seems to be the easiest to follow. It is not easy to handle a newborn even more difficult to cultivate a romantic mood in the midst of poopy diapers and baby spit-up. So sexy. 

I do feel more emotionally connected to my husband as he was beside me throughout the birth and has been actively playing his part in looking after the baby and attentive to my needs. Sex is a private matter and no confinement rule should precede the needs of the parents. 

10. Do not eat with family members

Yes, it does wonders to the recovering new mother to be isolated from her loved ones as she eats alone away from everybody.
11. Do not burn incense or visit a temple or altar

This doesn't apply to me as I am a free thinker. 

confinement

FREEDOM!

8:24 AM

"You left me in JAIL?!"
I'm still on confinement and had this urge to go to IKEA to get something I needed but I kept getting blocked by my aunts and dad. So I bought what I needed off Carousell. Fine. 

But YESTERDAYYYY. My king sized bed arrived without bedding. My aunt insisted I not leave the house and that she would get a set for me (no thanks). 

After my bath and settling baby, I told my dad "I have something to tell you...I...want...to..get...my...bedding.."

My dad replied "I already know. You didn't have to tell me". 

And that is how I got 2 hours of FREEDOM from baby. We went to the nearby mall, got my stuff and did some retail therapy. 2 cute diaper bags yayyyy. 

My dad did insist that I wear long pants before going out though. He also told me to not tell my aunt. Hahahahaha.

I even waved to baby from outside the door and laughed at her "HAHA HAVE FUN IN JAIL!". Exact words.